The World's Religions, in a nutshell

Taoism: Shit Happens

Hinduism: This shit has happened before

Confucianism: Confucius say, “Shit happens”

Buddhism: It is only an illusion that shit happens

Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?

Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah

Jehovah’s Witnesses: Knock, Knock, “Shit happens”

Atheism: There is no such thing as shit

Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, and maybe not

Protestantism: Shit won’t happen if I work harder

Catholicism: If shit happens, I deserve it

Judaism: Why does shit always happen to me?

Televangelism: Send money or shit will happen

Rastafarian: Smoke that shit

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addendum: As a Muslim, methinks I should point out that even if shit doesn't happen, it is STILL the will of Allah...